NF - Happy

Dear God, please
Hear me out, I know it's been a couple years
Since I've reached
Out and said hello, I bet you're wondering
Why I keep
Obsessing on and stressing all the little things
When I should be
Living life and soaking up the memories
I know I've been
Selfish, I have
No excuse to give you it's true
Hanging by a
Thread's how I live
I don't know why but
I feel more comfortable
Livin' in my agony
Watching my self-esteem
Go up in flames acting
Like I don't
Care what anyone else thinks
When I know truthfully
That that's the furthest thing
From how I
Feel but I'm too proud to open up and ask ya
To pick me up and pull me out this hole I'm trapped in
The truth is, I need help, but I just can't imagine
Who I'd be if I was happy
Yeah, been this way so long, it feels like something's off
When I'm not depressed
I got some issues that I won't address
I got some baggage I ain't opened yet
I got some demons I should put to rest
I got some traumas that I can't forget
I got some phone calls I been avoidin'
Some family members I don't really connect with
Some things I said I wish I would of not let slip
Some hurtful words that never should of left my lips
Some bridges burned, I'm not ready to rebuild yet
Some insecurities I haven't dealt with, yes
I'll be the first to admit that I'm a lonely soul
And the last to admit I need a hand to hold
Losing hope
Headed down a dangerous road
Strange, I know
But I feel most at home when I'm
Livin' in my agony
Watching my self-esteem
Go up in flames acting
Like I don't
Care what anyone else thinks
When I know truthfully
That that's the furthest thing
From how I
Feel but I'm too proud to open up and ask ya
To pick me up and pull me out this hole I'm trapped in
The truth is, I need help, but I just can't imagine
Who I'd be if I was happy
Don't know what's around the bend
Don't know what my future is
But I can't keep on livin' in
Livin' in my agony
Watching my self-esteem
Go up in flames acting
Like I don't
Care what anyone else thinks
When I know truthfully
That that's the furthest thing
From how I
Feel but I'm too proud to open up and ask ya
To pick me up and pull me out this hole I'm trapped in
The truth is, I need help, but I just can't imagine
Who I'd be if I was happy
If I was happy
If I was happy